Effective Communication

Recently we've been discussing how commnication is broken up into two columns. Column A is what everyone hears, and column B is what poeple are thinking. The way to effective communication is to be able to understand what is going on is column B.
What really struck me was how when we commnicate with others, we seem to ahve our own agenda. We have no idea what is going on with the other person, and more often than not we enter a conversation thinking only of ourselves.
We also have been discussing the different levels of communication. Ignore, Pretend, Selective, Active, and Empathic. And it really hit me at how often I will pretend, or just simply listen once in awhile so I'm not completely out of the conversation. I've also began noticing how often I think only of myself and not the other person. I'm constatnly thinking of what I'm going to say next that has to do with my own personal life instead of thinking of ways that I may help them.
I actually sopoke to my roommate about this, and she said how surprised at how often she realized she did the same thing. Simply pretending, or just all together ignoring.
These last couple of days I've tried experimenting at being an "active" listener, and I never realized at how much I had been missing out of conversations. While really listening to someone, I found myself mmore concerned with them than with myself . I wasn't trying to think of ways that I could one-up them. I was genuinly concerned for the well-being of this person.