Empathic Listening

http://sfhelp.org/pop2/listen.htm This article I read talked about, "hearing with your heart." To be an effective empathic listener we need to put aside our own preferences, and needs to be able to understand, fully, what someone is trying to commnicate with us. It reminded me of that article we read about inconvenience. It may not be the easiest thing to put our own needs away for awhile. But, this is what is called selflessness. It also talks about when we even don't agree with something the speaker says how we need to not interrupt them or judge them in anyway. When someone is in distress, you're trying to help them vent their feelings. Not judge them for what they have said.This made we think of Michael J. Fox and how when he went to his coach to talk to him, the coach just told him how trivial it was, and that he shouldn't let it bother him. Empathic listening is that...listening. My goal is to try to forget myself more often, and become such a person that people will feel like they could come to me. I want to teach this to my roommate, and I'm going to see how effective of a listener I can be toward her.

Finding the Good

Today's scripture was Joshua 1:9, and it says, "Have I not commanded thee be strong and of good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest." I thought this tied well into communications. Sometimes we enter uncomfortable situations where we're not sure how to handle it. When we turn to our Heavenly Father, He will tell us what to say, and he will give us the courage and understanding to be able to handle the situation. Because He is always there just waiting for us to ask of Him.
Today we talked about how much more affective it will be if instead of trying to point out the faults in people, and every little bad thing they do but, instead we pointed out the good in people. it rminds me of the movie Pollyanna; on the back of her locket it says, "If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will." It is not our purpose on earth to find fault one with another, neither is it to pass judgement. If we're constantly pointing out the bad things in people your relationship will never reach empathic, and the person will never feel good about themselves. But, by pointing out the good you get through to people. They feel more confident about themselves.
I have been very guilty about pointing out the bad in others. This was good for me to hear today. Maybe never telling them to their face but, saying it in my mind. But, I am going to do better about finding nothing but good.

Listening in Emotional Situations

We've been talking a lot about "Agenda" and the kind of effect that it will have in situations where the emotions are high. So far we have been unable to get through to this person in our scenario. I thought it was interesting that our scripture for the class was about service. When we try to communicate to someone with our own agenda in mind, we're looking right past what really needs to happen. In that article we read, it talks about how things may not always be convenient. Inconvenience is a part of life. Service may not always be convenient. In our scenario we all seem to be so wrapped up in making this client so happy that we're forgetting about the feelings of this key person in this deal. We don't know what happened, we don't know what he's feeling. But, our we truly concerned for his well-being? Or do we just want to found out why he wasn't there and why he would make this whole situation a lot more difficult? We all seem to be probing him with questions, and trying to force out the reason for his absence. Now, it may not be convenient at the time, but what if we were to forget about the client for a few minutes. We are here to serve others. To "comfort those that stand in need." We've been talking a lot about how this kind of communication will be uncomfortable but, we aren't here for the purpose of remaining in our comfort zones. Maybe we just need to try listening.

Effective Communication

Recently we've been discussing how commnication is broken up into two columns. Column A is what everyone hears, and column B is what poeple are thinking. The way to effective communication is to be able to understand what is going on is column B.
What really struck me was how when we commnicate with others, we seem to ahve our own agenda. We have no idea what is going on with the other person, and more often than not we enter a conversation thinking only of ourselves.
We also have been discussing the different levels of communication. Ignore, Pretend, Selective, Active, and Empathic. And it really hit me at how often I will pretend, or just simply listen once in awhile so I'm not completely out of the conversation. I've also began noticing how often I think only of myself and not the other person. I'm constatnly thinking of what I'm going to say next that has to do with my own personal life instead of thinking of ways that I may help them.
I actually sopoke to my roommate about this, and she said how surprised at how often she realized she did the same thing. Simply pretending, or just all together ignoring.
These last couple of days I've tried experimenting at being an "active" listener, and I never realized at how much I had been missing out of conversations. While really listening to someone, I found myself mmore concerned with them than with myself . I wasn't trying to think of ways that I could one-up them. I was genuinly concerned for the well-being of this person.

Key Principles

Relevance
1) When we did the exercise at the beginning of class, of lining up according to birthdates and birthplaces, but we couldn't talk to one another. It made me think about how vital it is to verbally communicate to people around you. Without this communication, confusion arises and not much gets accomplished.
2) When we were talking about different channels of communication and someone from the class mentioned facial expressions it made me realize how much of an affect a facial expression can have on someone. Sometimes we often send the wrong message through our facial expressions; therefore, we make those around us uncomfortable.

Application
In my own life I often have a difficult time communicating with others.Sometimes I feel uncomfortable expressing my own opinion because i sometimes think that I may sound inferior to others. But, I often realize that if I would have expressed what I was feeling then it would have eliminated a lot of confusion, and it would let people know how I'm feeling. That is something that I really need to work on, and I have made it a goal for myself.

Teach
My roommate; Friday night; in our apartment

Report
Friday night my roommate and I were watching a movie and when it ended I expressed something to her that I had never told anyone, and as the conversation progressed we both began to open up and express some of our fears and hopes. She then told me that it felt good to express some of those things with someone, and as sttrange as it may sound,I told her about what I had been thinking about in my communications class about not opening up to people. She then told me how easy it was for her to open up when I did, and it seemed to eliminate barriers between us.